reading "How I raised myself from failure to success in selling"

This morning I woke up thinking I'd work on the discrete structures course but after a short email from the lecturer it seems that I will have to take the main exam anyway since I missed an exercise group last week. That left me seriously demotivated, and after studying just a while longer I let myself start to read a book I got in the mail, "How I raised myself from failure to success in selling".

I've read the first 26 pages and I remember something about myself more clearly : I'm afraid to talk to anyone I perceive as more powerful than myself (pretty much anyone). I become worried about projecting a certain image, which just means that I feel unhappy and nervous.

A while, a year or so, ago I met a salesman on a plane. He was a bit drunk, and offered to consider me for a position in his company if I just show up for the interview. I was still thinking of selling as pushing things people don't need so even though the product would have been very interesting I never did anything. Now I remember how I became nervous in his company. What does it matter now what that person thought of me? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I would get far better results by just being who I am (who is that? is there such a thing?). Or maybe I just need to accept the nervousness and all the weight I give to some situations.

But that is something that seriously hinders my life: the way I connect everything with who and how I am - I want to learn to just relax and go with the flow. Last night I talked a long time with a friend and I ended up mentioning that I can never trust myself to get things done. I guess she had no idea I felt that way. But we agreed that the best would be to just do study related things in a routine manner, and to spend as little energy as possible worrying about the outcome. I also want to try many things, I want to try selling, I want to try sharing my thoughts, everything. I'm longing for life here.

Last night I spent thinking about affiliate marketing and party marketing. I ended up sending a not nearly polished enough application for a company that sells toys, to become a representative in my area. I'm expecting no reply, but it would have been a great opportunity to test myself and learn new things!