Interest in natural cosmetics

As my excitement about the Oriflame products fades away I'm becoming more and more interested in formulating and making my own cosmetics. I have been browsing Aromantic (contact me by email if you want a £5 off voucher) and pondering ordering one of their sets, but last night I found Plushfolly, and ordered a learning pack from them. I'm mostly interested in creating moisturizing creams and cleansers, so I decided to take the Making Natural Skincare Products accredited home study course. I can't wait to receive my ingredients!

This stupid annoying boring senseless stress

Again I'm really stressed about my studies, namely the imminent exam of discrete structures on Friday. And the whole day I've been getting reminders about how many other things are important as well, and what it means to live life of no enjoyment until you die.

First I heard that someone I used to kind of know has a serious illness that will probably lead to death within a few years. That made me want to cry; he was someone I used to fancy and even though we never got to know each other I respect him a lot for some reason. To hear that he needs two people to help him on a daily basis was horrible. And he's just a bit older than I am.

The second thing was attending the birthday party of a 1 year old with many kids. It made me realize again how deeply I would like to have kids and how little I feel like I would be a good mom or be able to take care of them. Time is going away fast, and I'm thirty already. So the time would be now, or within a few years. What do I need to do in order to be someone who can take care of someone else as well? Who do I need to be with?

And all the while I'm here, stressing about some exam that doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things. Unable to live otherwise, to take time to just relax and focus on what I can do.

reading "How I raised myself from failure to success in selling"

This morning I woke up thinking I'd work on the discrete structures course but after a short email from the lecturer it seems that I will have to take the main exam anyway since I missed an exercise group last week. That left me seriously demotivated, and after studying just a while longer I let myself start to read a book I got in the mail, "How I raised myself from failure to success in selling".

I've read the first 26 pages and I remember something about myself more clearly : I'm afraid to talk to anyone I perceive as more powerful than myself (pretty much anyone). I become worried about projecting a certain image, which just means that I feel unhappy and nervous.

A while, a year or so, ago I met a salesman on a plane. He was a bit drunk, and offered to consider me for a position in his company if I just show up for the interview. I was still thinking of selling as pushing things people don't need so even though the product would have been very interesting I never did anything. Now I remember how I became nervous in his company. What does it matter now what that person thought of me? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I would get far better results by just being who I am (who is that? is there such a thing?). Or maybe I just need to accept the nervousness and all the weight I give to some situations.

But that is something that seriously hinders my life: the way I connect everything with who and how I am - I want to learn to just relax and go with the flow. Last night I talked a long time with a friend and I ended up mentioning that I can never trust myself to get things done. I guess she had no idea I felt that way. But we agreed that the best would be to just do study related things in a routine manner, and to spend as little energy as possible worrying about the outcome. I also want to try many things, I want to try selling, I want to try sharing my thoughts, everything. I'm longing for life here.

Last night I spent thinking about affiliate marketing and party marketing. I ended up sending a not nearly polished enough application for a company that sells toys, to become a representative in my area. I'm expecting no reply, but it would have been a great opportunity to test myself and learn new things!

Oriflame party last night

Yesterday was a busy day for me as I prepared to host an Oriflame party. Although I will probably be the one doing the ordering if and when people decide to buy something. I had 4 guests who didn't know each other beforehand.

I made pizza (a delicious recipe from Pirkka) and a berry pie. I felt really unsure about baking but they came out alright, not in any way perfect but passable.

I felt very weak for the day but it passed, and I had fun. We tried fake lashes and got to know the products. The Oriflame representative made a good presentation about the products: I admire the way she was neutral but still focused on what people could buy.

I'm thinking about whether I could organize parties myself. I could borrow the kit from my group leader and go for it.

Letting go of Pepsi max

I'm someone who rarely becomes addicted to things, but something I'm addicted to is diet coke, pepsi max, almost any diet cola. I have been addicted since I was 16, and I remember still how in high school I used to drink so much I felt shaky. At the time it took maybe a 1,5l bottle to get that effect, nowadays I could drink a lot more without change.

So, lately I've been drinking something like 2l a day, often during the night after going to the university. Obviously sleeping, staying awake and getting up have been difficult. And a while ago I read somewhere that the artificial sweeteners in diet colas cause insulin secretion - that means that even though they might not contain any calories they will still make you fatter.

Now I'm testing being without diet colas: I'm on my 5th day. On Friday I went for a face massage at a new-agey place where they also sold "Holy basil" tea, also known as Tulsi tea. As I was waiting for my appointment I read their marketing materials and they really worked.  Buying something is again related to how I see myself: when I bought the tea I had a vivid idea of myself as someone thinner and more balanced who doesn't drink Pepsi anymore, at least not regularly.

Today I weighed myself (86,3kg) - I will see in a couple of weeks if there is any change.

Light and lamps

I'm continuing with my search of a lamp for my living room. Actually I do have light in my living room now since we managed to attach the Bene successfully yesterday with my father. But the daylight lamps from Adlux I have ordered for it might be too powerful. I sent an email to the company Innojok that produces Bene to be sure. I have 32W energy saving (I don't know the term in English yet) bulbs when they mention that the lamp can take 30W bulbs... I hope that there's some safety buffer so that the 32W will be fine.

I really dislike the color of regular bulbs nowadays - I'm really anticipating getting what I ordered from Adlux. Then I can change the color of the light both in my kitchen and in the living room (as long as it's fine with the lamp)!

I found a new interesting company, Eseo, somehow related to Philips. Initially I was attracted to their lamp Clove (at the moment on sale in Finland at kodinvalaisimet.fi) but I like Alexa as well. What bothers me about Clove is that the material is fabric. I would like a close-up image of the fabric but the quick search I made shows that most of the sellers just use the same photos.

I've been reading material about selling, since I've recently become interested in it and my mode of choice for acquiring information is by reading. A rather cynical book I'm reading (Perusmyyjästä supermyyjäksi - From a regular salesperson to a super salesperson - certainly sounds better in Finnish) says that people rarely buy because of any rational reason, but the decision is usually always made on the basis of emotion. It's only later when people come up with other reasons to justify their buy to others. Another thing the writer says is that good salespeople can connect the product with the needs of the customer, instead of just listing the features of the product. I'm wondering what needs I'm trying to satisfy with this lamp buy.

I want to be considerate - the lamp needs to not be blinding to anyone, including children who often look up a lot. I want my home to be stylish - I'm mostly looking at white lamps. I want to consider myself someone who lives in healthy light - buying only daylight bulbs.

What is behind these (imagined?) needs? I really don't know. Why do I want to live a life of quality and use so much time to think about such a simple matter? Would my life be better if I was able to just move on and take an affordable and okay lamp such as Sole? (I'm seriously considering buying it, it's "okay", but not in any way thrilling, exciting, especially beautiful..) Do I want to be someone who only rarely buys stuff but when she does gets the best thing she can in any way afford?

Buying and selling are surprisingly closely related to how we view ourselves. As a salesperson that is something one needs to take into account.

I need light in my living room

I don't know how I've managed four years without a real lamp in my living room, but now I've had enough of the darkness. I tell myself that I need a lamp for the party in a week, and went looking for some yesterday and today. I had a lamp in mind, but the design was very unaccommodating - it's a lamp that is suspended some 90cm below the ceiling. I counted that the space I have is approximately 60cm, so I couldn't get that one.

Just for interest, it was a lamp designed by Tapio Anttila made by a Finnish company Keraplast. At least Kodin1 sells them. I was ready to pay 350€ for some hundreds of grams of acrylic, but no can do. Onto the 2nd choice!

So we went with my mother to look at the other lamp I had in mind.  I don't know the designed or producer, but it was quite a simple round one. But the problem with that was that the lamp was really heavy, and it attaches to the ceiling with screws - I don't trust it to not fall and potentially cause great damage.

I want to get a lamp that has a layer of glass or acrylic beneath the bulbs so that the light doesn't blind anyone, not even children. That limits my options quite a lot. We went to Stockmann today and there were hardly any lamps that hide the bulbs. Another thing I want is for the lamp to have many bulbs since my living room is approximately 20 square meters, I need a powerful lamp.

I went for a walk with a friend today, and they had an extra lamp that fit my specifications. It's not something I would buy necessarily, but is a good match for now. It's called Bene, by Innojok. They have another even simpler lamp called Sole : I'm thinking that I'll buy that one if I don't find anything better within a reasonable time.

But I'm dreaming and browsing the web for interesting lamps. The best are way over my budget. This is my current favorite: Diamond by Morosini. Too bad that the price, 800€, is somewhat more than I'm willing or able to pay. It's amazing how much a simple piece of fabric can cost!